i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We left the knife in your bed.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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