Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
