Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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