How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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