Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize