Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
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