I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
