i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
