Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
