I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
