I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
