Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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