what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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