I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
