it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
