Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize