There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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