remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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