can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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