Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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