O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
