last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
