I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I will pee on everything he values.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
