1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize