you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
