how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
