Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
