Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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