Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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