I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
