wrigley field is MILF paradise
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
