she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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