Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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