He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm having to shit out rocks
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
