I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
