Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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