I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
