I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
