I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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