We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
