Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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