At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
