My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
When did angry sex become our thing?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
