Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
