I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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