He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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