my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
