Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
