I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
