this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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