Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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