so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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