When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You can't motorboat a personality
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
