I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
