and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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