Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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