Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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