I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
