And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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