this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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