you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
