After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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