I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
