what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
