he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
