thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
