you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
