Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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