I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i drank out of a bidet.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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