Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
So squirting runs in the family.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
