Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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