I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
When are your genitals available?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize