You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I skipped work to stalk him.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
