So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize