I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
