Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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