the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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