How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
