if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
