Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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