i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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