theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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