I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
