who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he thought i was a dude.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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