Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
