he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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