Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
