Betty ford says i'm here all night
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
