Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize