so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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