He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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