Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
pray to the hookup gods
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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