Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
