one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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