I hope mine doesn't look like that
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
