Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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