Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
