i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
