We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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