oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
