you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
