I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
