U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
