I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
