I have demons in me.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
