I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
