Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
