bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Vodka?
Forever.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
